Sunday, 3 July 2011



As I lay me down to sleep,
I cling to dreams that I keep ~
poison-pot boiler, coney stew
and bitterness weeping ~
better rid of this compulsion
steeping my life
in worry and strife,
trouble breweth as the storm?

Fragments of your words
float over me,
around me, through me,
no longer blowing my mind -
all blew away, flew away,
my chiffchaff Heathcliff,
yaffle I thought was yiff...

Fragments... like seeing the
sunshine strike
upon the gilded quillon
as the Leveller strikes
upon our throat... Fragments,
like melodramatic blood drops
louche on white lilies,

Ah my mind minds my mind,
remind over, remained lover,
I don't know how I got it all so wrong -
isn't it easy, to say 'I don't want you'?
but perhaps it seemed... more pleasant to lie...

So I lie, and think how
to stretch out a circle...
Make the spiral ascend
instead of the long path down,
it'll all be okay one day,
I'm sure of that, Darling,
but for this life, I hide - I fear - I desire,
and I fear my desire... and I desire to hide my fear...
I feared revelation, sought to hide the desire I feared -
it never could have burnt you,
you never let me near...

Like travelling a map all the wrong scale,
or foreign language all misheard,
I thought it was all so special, now I know...
It was absurd.

So... say you don't remember,
that you lied with your loving eyes,
say it's all okay now... Please?
Don't let me ride the cliché horse,
saying true love never dies,
I know you never felt it,
it was never a surprise -
it was my greatest terror though,
that all I thought was false.
Shame, shame, you don't blame me?
I wish I'd seen my fears were true,
but I'd never have known
the experience of
my blinding,


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