Saturday, 2 July 2011

Erratic Emotions, Mad World...

10/7/11 All's Well With Z. Excuse the language, I'm a wee bit ticked off! So... I've been banned from the Londis 'for being a weirdo', I've had the bad news that someone I thought was one of my very best friends has been laughing at me for months, and I've dyed my hair Raspberry colour, had a tattoo, and helped a mate get her throat checked out at the hospital.
When I said I 'didn't want to know' if two people were at it, I didn't mean 'please laugh at me and lie to me' - I meant, if you're at it, I don't want to know at all - so don't invite me round when he's there - I'd been avoiding another friend's home to avoid this guy, and oh look, he's at my mate's (Let's call her Z) place, a lot... Fine... I didn't realise that everything I said to her was going to get back to him, I had worked out they were shagging, but not how long it'd been going on.

But I don't care about him, I just want to avoid him because he stimulates the Limerence symptoms. I care that my 'best mate' has been making a fool of me for so long. I'm not the only one, either.
It certainly didn't help that I found out about it all when I was already drunk...

Yes - tattoo - I now bear the Dark Mark upon my arm. Dear Husband has a knotwork band with pussycats and 'Mogs' on his arm now. Ahhh!

Feeling so worn out by emotions, I've turned the other way - no more head-down eyes-averted doormat-subbie shit except with my Mistress - I'm not going to be ashamed of being me, I'm not going to submit to the fear of being thought a freak - people think that either way, so I'm damn well going to do it with PunkArse hair and a Spooky Tattoo and FUCK YOU to anyone who treats me as scum for not being a Burberry Darling Of The Heath, or a SilverSpoon Endowed Fucking Majjickk Highest Evahh Preestessa or whatever the fuck these stupid human beings think I should be to be permitted to share their fucking world.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUUU!!!!!! (not you, Reader, the fuckwits...)

So I made some big, big mistakes, like thinking someone loved me because of their powerful bedroom eyes, but I AM NOT GOING TO BE ASHAMED OF BEING MYSELF.

I'm hoping that greater self-assertiveness will bring greater happiness.

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