"Darkness Grasping"

This new face is homely, loving and kind, 

You're Unheimlich, un-nerving, 

I'd choke on anything spoken now. 

We drank last together 

In the same way we slept, 

Just placement and timing made us 

Breathe together, a few moments ~ 

Stolen pictures gazed upon brought half-nightmares again, 

A review of performance, a last twinge of pain, 

Merely discomfitous, a prick from my pillow, 

Your claws enter in me, a hand in the dark 

Took the pain of it away. 

Even dreaming, shared presence is uncomfortable, 

Now I'm certain this isn't your fault, 

You'd rather burn eternally than live in my mind, escapeless. 

I'd rather lose my head to the sword
than lose my reason again in this life. 

Do I hunt you in my dreams? Not at all - 

Just watching - even there, I dare not touch, 

Just observe, and not pursue. 

I will work all this out without an inch of assistance, 

You won't give a barleycorn, I won't give you a mile, 

Won't give you any other things drawn from my path's unfolding, 

Will give the gift of silence, given with a smile.

It's his hand that leads me out of our darkness.

Promises, promises, we kept all but one, 

I promised I would worship you, you were my stars and sun, 

You swore we'd always be friends, that promise is undone, 

My sun has set, the stars fell down, into the stormy sea, 

And it's a healing to my heartsickness to find that I can 

Be without you as my staff I heavy-leant upon,
I'm still, and blessed by moonlight, 

That arose once you had gone. 

I must recall, I don't need your answers,
I don't want to fall into those trances, 

where servitude to you, Dark Elf-Lord,
seems a pleasurable punishment, my stinging reward. 

I wish to walk with meadow-flowers, not drown myself in wine, 

And this is my lot, the love I've got, with eyes and hair so fine, 

A better match than we could have been. 

I hope you're happy for me, but it's hard
to be happy for a man bound in chains, 

Hard to accept your chosen fate, there is no other way about it, 

I doubt we'll speak again, so I spill thousands more
unheeded words, with affection, from my pen. 

I hope you are as happy as I am, I'll trust the Gods to know, 

For where-ever it is that you are, that's where I cannot go.

(8th September 2012)